How Many Fake Things Are In This Picture?

Unwrap

Wholesome Stuff

1. And then the ACLU attorney yelled, "Don't you force your God on me!" and threw a boiling pot of lentil soup on them.

2. "We wish you a meaningless existence! We wish you a meaningless existence! We wish you a meaningless existence! And you'll rot in the grave!" Atheists have carolers, too.

3. "Hi! We're the carolers from the Gay-Straight Alliance. What would you rather hear, 'I Saw Daddy Fisting Santa Claus?' or something by Lady Ga-Ga?"

4. "Why thank you, Congressman Frank. We'd love to come in for some of your 'Special Eggnog.' What do you mean 'just the boys?' "

5. "You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout I'm telling you why. It's because the psychiatric profession is just a scam to sell you drugs." Scientology carolers.

Remember This!

1. "Oh, it was a horrible nightmare B.A. I dreamed the president was a communist and the First Lady was a Klingon!"

2. "It's not you, Mr. T. It's me. I hope we can still be friends."

3. "Do you mind, Nancy? I'm on the shitter here."

4. "Psst, got any weed?"

5. "I've never smelled one of you people before." (ATDHE)

AoM's Guitar Hero

1. "Congressman Frank, why weren't any other House Pages invited to your Christmas Party?"

2. Billy figured out a great way to make sure no one would ever touch his Guitar Hero game again.

3. "That's right, babe. If you oppose ObamaCare, you don't get any of this." Tyler embargoes his right hand.

4. Rock Band: The Iggy Pop Edition sold only one copy.

5. "You guys finish up the tree, I'll play some Christmas Carols. 'O, Holy Night, the stars are bright-ly shin-ing..."

Don we now our gay apparel

1. "No, that's not a Yule Log in my pocket, and I am happy to see you."

2. The evening started romantically, but would end in the emergency room with a painful and delicate pinecone extraction.

3. "Come on, stop fussing with the tree and watch Twilight on Blu-Ray with me."

4. "Not a creature was stirring, not even a gerbil. I told you it was too tight in there."

5. Safest bet in the world: Neither one of these guys watched the Giants stomp the Deadskins last night.

In the Rough

Blondie?

1. Tiger knew he shouldn't have taken that last turn at Albuquerque.

2. "I think he said, 'The new Club Pro is near.'"

3. "Dammit, the white women ain't at over here either."

4. "Dammit, I can't believe I missed the hole again... stop snickering, caddy, or your ass is fired!"

5. (OK, in your mind, play this music in your head while looking at this pic.)

Best of GregMan
His golfing career in tatters after his serial adultery and wild partying becomes public, Tiger Woods decides on the only career option left to him - run for a senate seat in Massachusetts.

Best of Matt the K
Emerging from a chloroform haze, wakes to find himself in the Serengeti; a nasty note written in Swedish pinned to his nutsack.

Best of Viking04
Finding even trailerpark chicks too public, Tiget strikes out across the outback in search of nookie, and a few snack crackers.

Best of Steve O
The Alpha Male, shown here straying from his natural habitat.

Best of HLam
"Why oh why did I have to shank my ball into the Pussy-willows?. Now I'm horny."

Best of Mr. Hankey
Tiger is making sure that no one finds Girlfiend #14.

Best of Unscrupulous
Tiger, you'll never find the G-spot in the riparian zone, try the erogenous zone!

Detroit Do

1. Mrs. Al Sharpton celebrates the holidays.

2. "Am I late for the dildo cake Christmas party?"

3. Five minutes after walking out of Fantastic Sam's, Keneesha was held down and scalped by a pack of ACLU lawyers.

4. You do not want to know where she hung the mistletoe.

5. Marge Simpson leaves the tanning salon.

Best of Jack Reacher
Looks like the Christmas Sale is in full swing at Old Navy. ATDHE

Best of Mr. Hankey
...and our next contestant has a Hannukkah bush.

Best of Army of Dad
How The Pimp stole Christmas.

Best of Submariner
14th and John R Players be puttin' on "A Christmas Carole" and sh!t. I be da ghost of Christmas Presents.

Best of dadoctah
How the Grinch made everybody throw up in their mouth a little.

Best of Matt the K
One of the Hos of Hoville?

Best of Seoulman (R)
Merry Christmas from the north pole on MLK and 9th.

Army of Mom Made Me Post This

1. "Mom, tell us again how you worked your way through cosmetology school."

2. Desperate for cash, Paris Hilton begins working children's parties.

3. "Here, mommy, let me show you how to suppress your gag reflex like the swishy man from GLSEN taught us."

4. "See, kid. This is what Mommy has to do to get a birthday present from Daddy. Still wanna bitch because your 'My Little Pony' is the wrong color?"

5. "Now, Emily, this is quite a bit larger than what Mr. Polanski actually has, but I'm just trying to introduce you to the basic principle of what he expects."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
A true slice of neo-americana. First she introduces the little ones to the family business, then teaches them how to practice santeria rituals using the neighbor's pet cat.

Best of blue
An older Monica Lewinsky gets ready to move from Clinton to Obama

Best of paul mitchell
Senator Nelson, please let me try to convince you to vote for ObamaCare.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Unless you get in on the ground floor of some carbon-credit scam, kids, this is how you'll survive in the Green Economy."

Best of dadoctah
The *real* reason Mrs Garrett and the girls from "Facts of Life" had to leave Eastland.

Best of Matt the K
In an apoplectic fit, the reception hall manager rushed to correct the mixed-up room signs for the "Elton John's Naughty & Nice Party" and the "Olivia Newton-John's Niece Natalie's Party", but the damage was already done.

Best of Silhouette
I really don't get Kwaanza.

Best of Passionate Conservative
"Blow" out the candles...I get it. Heh.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Little Billy thinks to himself, "You know, I really don't want a piece of cake after all."

Best of divine miss m
After the cake, we squeezed Mom into a pair of hot pants and dropped her off down by the docks.

Best of Vinney
While in prison Martha Stewart combines her culinary and entrepenorial skills selling John Wadd cakes to fellow inmates.

Best of Army of Dad
This party sucks

Best of Matt the K
Peter North doesn't mind as long as you don't touch the cake's hair.

Best of Matt the K
Something tells me that "Pin The Tail On the Donkey" is gonna be done on a real donkey.

Dude Looks Like an OLD Lady

Buzzfeed

1. "Don't flatter yourself, Tyler. The only reason Cheney tried to proposition you in the men's room is because he thought you were Cokie Roberts."

2. "Don't look at me, I recommended a nice pair of 'Oakleys' not 'Oldladies."

3. "Hey, your Joo-Janta Peril Sensitive sunglasses turned black as soon as Dick Cheney walked up. What does that mean?"

4. "Dude, your hand. Gross! Do I have to explain those little rolls of paper in the men's room again?"

5. Rick thought he was hitting on the hottest, oldest cougar of his life until the 'Crying Game Reveal' in the men's room. But it was still cool getting blown by a member of Aerosmith.

Best of HLam
"Yeah, I'm bringing Sis to school for Show 'n Tell to demonstrate what 2 packs of Camels and a fifth of bourbon a day will do to ya."

Best of Shawn
Wait... Lindsay's straight again?

Best of Double the U
Why I disagree with Libertarians on the legalize all drugs issue.

Best of jj
Ruth Bader-Ginsburg, the retirement years.

Best of Matt the K
"Have you heard this one?...Paul Shaffer, Madonna and K-Fed walk into a deli..."

Best of dadoctah
"They're ready for you in makeup, Miss Baranski."

Best of Passionate Conservative
The real reason Billy Mays died: A night on the town with Nancy Pelosi.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
MOVIE PROMO: In "Weekend At Bernies Part V" the boys learn that Bernie (now 6 days dead and pretty ripe) holds a soon-to-expire Quickiemart lotto ticket worth $500k! Will a televised ceremony blow their chances to claim the money?

Best of Submariner
Don't mind Janey - she just downed a dessicant Slurpee...

Amy Winehouse Versus the Blob

Buzzfeed

1. "See, I told you I had a picture of Pete Dougherty without a needle in his arm...whoops, maybe not."

2. And now the finalists in the "Who is more Repulsive?" Cage Match.

3. "So, you ended up in rehab because of some guy named 'dub?'"

4. Then, the holo-characters got a hold of the PADD and completely ruined Commander Riker's nude volleyball program.

5. "Thanks for helping with my Sudoku puzzle. By the way, there's a grape Starburst stuck to your tit."

Wicked Best o' metalgarth
Wait till dub finds out this is the only porno film in hell....

Best o' Double the U
Here is a list of all the people on betnet.com that bet you would be dead by year's end... man we are going to make a ton of money.

Best o' Matt the K
Amy Winehouse and Mamie Swinehouse made a formidable Scrabble team.

Best o' molson
Great. After seeing that, I too have to become a raging crack head.

Best o' Army of Mom
Sally Struthers struggles with her deal-a-meal charts. Suddenly, Amy is looking like a mighty tasty KFC drumstick.

Best o' Carpe Phlogiston
Believe it or not, this paparazzi shot of John Travolta enjoying time in Aruba with secret love interest Brian Dennehy inspired this little ditty.

Best o' Seoulman (R)
And he was my first boyfriend until, I ate him. My friends said I needed to "eat him to keep him" I didn't know they meant it figuratively

Best o' Mr. Hankey
There's also an Island for Misfit Scumbags.

Best o' Passionate Conservative
"I'm still trying to get this damn PSP to work as a vibrator...can you help me, Pat?"

Best o' Kaptain Krude
"My pregnancy test! It's *sob* positive!" And the world becomes just a little colder.

Best o' Julie the Jarhead
"I'm just a sweet transvestite ..."

What are you looking at?

Bouncy Bouncy Bouncy

Dammit, it worked in preview:

http://i609.photobucket.com/albums/tt180/Heaven_Eater/SEXY/1970258823.gif