ORA Title: Young Cabaret Voltaire Fans

Van Helsing

1. You might be a redneck if...

2. So is "Flygbussarna" the noise the kid on the right is making, or did the company get their name from a verification word?

3. "Flygbussarna: The Gas that Makes You Puke Rainbows."

4. "Hey, Ma, Look what we learned from those Mexican Boy Scouts!"

5. There was always something a little strange about the Cheney sisters.

Gay Mexican Boy Scouts celebrate the passage of the McCain-Edwards Amnesty bill.

1. "California, Here we come!"

2. A confused and senile John McCain gives Amnesty to illegal immigrant fudge-packers because "The candy industry needs workers!"

3. Andrew Sullivan was delighted when Amnesty passed. There was a 'job' no American had been willing to do for him for years.

4. The new scoutmasters came with personal recommendations from Barney Frank, Larry Craig, and Arnold Schwarzeneggar. What could possibly go wrong?

5. Apparently, there has been a miscommunication regarding the pronunciation of the word 'Webelo.'"

Isn't There Any Way They Could Both Lose?

Army of Mom/ (AssPress Photo/Dennis Cook)

Match the phrase with the politician:

1. "I can't wait to destroy the Republican party."

2. "I hated the Bush tax cuts, but man, my wife made out like a bandit."

3. "13,000 scientists signed a petition doubting Global Warming? Damn oil company stooges."

4. "Hey, you're right. Hillary would be a *brilliant* Supreme Court pick."

5. "Why don't we cut a deal and pass some extremely liberal legislation."

6. "I say screw the working class. If they want to work in tomorrow's economy, they can damn well learn to live 35 to a house and speak Mexican."

7. "I guess I can cross Ted Kennedy off my VP list."

8. "I would totally hate-f**k Ann Coulter."

9. "Justice Alito frightens me."

10. "Drill in ANWR? But what of Santa Claus and all the little elves?"

The Littlest Polygamist

Timmeh

1. In California, this is known as 'the next logical step.'

2. "I had to, I knocked all of 'em up."

3. No, I don't know what show this is, but I'm sure it's on Fox.

4. ... and he who walks behind the corn was pleased.

5. "Aw, crap, who invited Texas Child Protective Services?"

No Escape

Van Helsing

1. "Hey! Quit hoggin' the Suicide Booth! That jazz guy s-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-c-k-s!"

2. Larry Craig's invitation to "Meet me by the men's room, and I'll blow your horn" was badly misinterpreted.

3. George Michael was furious that the trumpeter was playing "Faith" without paying him royalties, but with his dick caught in the rest room door, there wasn't a thing he could do about it.

4. Paid for by a Nancy Pelosi earmark, San Francisco's "Afternoon Jazz at the Glory Hole" program enriched the city's artistic and cultural landscape.

5. A record turnout for "White Jazz in the Park."

Best of Rodney Dill
New Orleans Funeral Dirge... Fail

Best of Two Dogs
When Bill got pissed at Ted, he simply dropped him off at the Chuck Mangione Music Marathon.

Best of attmay
Jim not only killed a guy by the men's room, but then ran off and made "wah, wah, wah" sounds with his trumpet. The jury deliberation took 15 minutes before he got life without parole.

Best of Army of Mom
Where will you be when your laxative kicks in?

Best of mega
Rain, unemployed musicians, flannel shirts, and a nice warm place for drug addicts and teen prostitutes to hang. Uhm....Omaha? No, wait...uhm...

Best of Seoulman (R)
While playing a Sousa piece, Gary couldn't hear Big Jimmy screaming about "Little Jimmy" was stuck in the door

Best of Chrees
Tooting in stereo

Best of Van Helsing
Thanks to the tendency of the technotoilet doors to close on people's noses, he finally had a audience for his horn playing that couldn't run away.

That's One Big Frakkin' Dog

Brender

1. Imported dog food from China was recently discovered to have high levels of anabolic steroids.

2. "Nope, I don't know anything about any missing Jehovah Witnesses."

3. Andrew Sullivan found the slogan "Recommended by top breeders" to be "gobsmackingly homophobic."

4. Meredith Veira has achieved feminist nirvana no longer needs a man for anything. And I do mean anything

5. So far, the top bid on eBay is $4.50 a pound from Beijing Buffet

Very Brady Best of Steve O
Are you the gatekeeper?

Best of ochagirl
Upside: Mallory felt fairly safe from burglars.
Downside: She feared not waking up alive one morning when Fido had a bad day.

Best of mega
The neighbors had long ago gotten used to the "size issue", but at 2' 3", it was hard not to notice Karen when she took the dog out for a walk.


Best of Army of Dad
How nature says to leave her the hell alone.

Best of Chrees
Amy was able to retire thanks to the income provided from organic fertilizer companies.

Best of shoechick
I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER. NOW.

Best of Six Degrees of Blondness
Cujo discovers Prozac.

Best of Seoulman (R)
We thought he was burrying a bone, later we found grandma... Who's a good boy, who's a good boy

The Death of Tinkerbell

Steve King

1. "See this kidney stone? Now do you understand why Senator McCain is such an ill-tempered crank?"

2. "It's Hillary Clinton's soul, see how it still gives off a faint, hellish glow."

3. "And this is the exact amount of rock cocaine Obama smoked before he said Iran was no threat to us."

4. The casting of Kenny Rogers and Kathy Najimy in the latest sequel came as a surprise to those who thought the Alien franchise had already hit rock bottom long ago.

5. "Did you just hear a tiny voice say, 'Mork calling Orson, Come in, Orson?'"

Best of Foz
When one chicken loves another chicken very very much...

Best of Silhouette
When the obsessively anal-retentive decorate Easter eggs, next on Fox.

Best of Jack Reacher
The Baldwin brothers' brains are represented by this vessel. Stephen's is the inside, while Alec's brain is the hard--but thin and brittle--shell.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Jim Henson takes a closer look at the damage to Beaker's nose.

Best of Chrees
Professor stereotype #431. Next up...the bowtie.

Best of mpur
Green-n-Gay Development Corp of San Francisco unveils their latest innovation in solar powered sex toys.

Best of Van Helsing
"It made my other fingers melt, let's see if it works on my pinky..."

Best of mega
"Jeez, I am sooooo sick of old guys trying to pick me up with the 'look at my cool pteradactyl egg' line."

Best of Steve O
The world's most elaborate setup for "pull my finger."

Best of Double the U
The Dad from "Family Ties" never returned to television but walked around random locations rambling about his "egg" theory to strangers.

Best of Two Dogs
Willie Nelson and Melissa Ethridge find the "Rising Phoenix" amulet. Hooray peyote!

Best of Seoulman (R)
the unibomber's other brother, the uni-egger

O-Tay!

Conservative Belle

Best of Conservative Belle

• "This is how Obama showed me how to inhale."
• "Hillary told me that Bill was only THIS BIG."
• "Should I fling this booger at Danny Glover?"

Best of Rodney Dill
"... except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato - when the mutton is nice and lean, and the tomato's fresh, it's so perky!"

Best of The Man
The opening act of the DNC in Denver was a smashing success, a salute to the Democrat's favorite 'Wild and Crazy Guys.'

Best of Jack Reacher
"Just a pinch between your check and gum, comrade, and the coca leaf becomes your whole world."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Freakin' stubborn nose hair!"

Best of Steve O
Karoke night in the workers' paradise.

Best of Whacko
"And then we'll take Peru, Columbia, Equador, Chile and Bolivia, weeeeeagh!"

Best of Seoulman (R)
now that's a spicy meatball

Once Again, I'm Busy. Write Your Own Captions

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"My turn-ons include puppies, rainbows, and middle-aged, soft-in-the-middle perverted men who have nothing better to do than write captions all day."

Best of Jay Guevara
"This meeting of the One-Handed Typists Club is now called to order."

Best of ochagirl
Wedgie from hell.

Best of mega
"Foxnews brings you Election 2008. Our live coverage from the Kansas primaries continues now. Heather, what's the latest?"

Best of racerboy
"Little Horse had become a Himone, for which there ain't no English word... and he was a good 'un, too!"

Best of mandible claw
"How I wish someone would ride me bareback through this grassy meadow," sighed Silky Pony, toying absently with a lock of hair.

Best of Steve O
Woman with perfect ass told she has beautiful eyes.

Best of Army of Dad
The monitors at night glow big and bright *slap slap slap* deep in the heart of Texas!

Ooooh, that's nasty....

Best of Tremor
"What do you mean these aren't edible???"

Best of Citizen Grim
We warned you, Florida! We told you that your new "panty" ballots would probably lead to even more electoral confusion, but nooooo, you didn't listen!

Best of Army of Dad
Blonde zombies don't even try to eat brains.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Silky fabric, delicious curves; I must have that sofa!" exclaimed Sully.

Best of Army of Mom
Blonde dental floss

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Box lunch

Best of Son Of The Godfather
James Earl Jones voiceover: "In the Serengeti, nothing is wasted."

Best of J-Dub
I can has Furburger?

Best of mpur
Victoria's Secret takes customer service to a whole new level.


Best of Gagdad Bob
I was just, er, examining some of the compelling evidence presented before the California Supreme Court.

Best of ochagirl
CRUNCHES. UR DOIN IT WRONG.

Best of mega
Candace was really turned-on, at first. But four hours later, Amanda's underwear-chewing thing was starting to seem ... weird.

V marks the spot

Also Army of Mom/AssPress Photo/Ronald Zak

(Another Free For All. Here's some music to help it go down though.)

Best of attmay
The latest revival of "Cabaret" does what nobody thought possible: got straight guys interested in musical theater.

Best of Gagdad Bob
Spring fascism show.

Best of Double the U
Sure the beatings were rough, but somehow I enjoyed them.

Best of sonicfrog
Here's a sneak-peak at next years Superbowl halftime show under the Obama-Clinton FCC!

Best of mklasing
"Vini, Vidi"

Best of divine miss m
Cones and thongs are so last year.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Sex Nazis: "NO POON FOR YOU!"

Best of Jack Reacher
Finally, the New York Times releases the rest of the Abu Ghraib photos.

Best of Army of Mom
Psst Cheryl. Do you ever get that not so fresh feeling when wearing electrical tape and leather?

Best of mpur
Oddly enough, George Lucas' altering of the classic Star Wars scene March of the Storm Troopers was enthusiastically received by even the most purist of fans.

Best of Chrees
Unclear on the concept: tryouts for the new Village People.

Best of Chrees
Welcome to The Fetish Channel's newest show: Spanking with the Stars.

Best of prince of leaves
In an alternate universe where the Third Reich was victorious, Hitler emerges from suspended animation to find his advanced syphillis curable and his Herrenvolk having gone a bit astray.

Best of mega
The liberal fascists who came up with this show spotted an eight year old in the audience, and arrested themselves for exposing a minor to sexual content. Then they released themselves for violation of their own civil rights. Then they slept with the models.

Best of Steve O
I, for one, welcome our new overlords.

Best of Cybrludite
I had my doubts at first, but Ang Lee's remake of "V For Vendetta" isn't bad at all...

Embarassment

Army of Mom/ (AssPress Photo/Ronald Zak)

Best of divine miss m
"Those boots!" mused Cadet Weir..."Where do they get those fabulous boots?"

Best of Army of Mom
For the encore, the girls farted the the royal anthem "God Save the Queen."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
The Brits have been there for America, and this American won't leave these Brits behind(s).

Best of GregMan
Once a few simple changes were made to the uniform, the military was allowed to open their recruiting office on Folsom Street.

Best of Silhouette
"Damn, did you all see the size of those moths?"

Best of mpur
Ha! And my friends said military school would suck!